An EULA for making Pulihora (tamarind rice)

Please note that by opening the package you have already agreed to this EULA.

Dear customer,
	Thank you for choosing my_pulihora (TM). Please read the following document carefully before you prepare my_Pulihora(TM).

The threats:
	By having read the first two words of this document you have agreed to abide by any of the rules that I frame.
	If you ever disagree with any of the points in the document, then you must not have read them in the first place.
	If we ever catch you breaking any of the agreements (the ones that you have already agreed to by reading the first two words) we shall sue you for everything and anything.
	By breaking the agreement we can sue you for products that we do not make.
	If you are found to be engaged in unlawful use of my_pulihora (TM) its your problem to fix it.
	If anyone ever finds that we have infringed upon any of their patents we will disown the product and put you in the line of fire.
	Most importantly we reserve the right to storm your house anytime we think you infringed upon our copyrights without a warranty.
	Anytime you try breaking free of the slavery we have imposed on you, we shall sue you.
	Piracy is strictly punishable under the laws that we make.
	If more than one person is found to be eating/tasting the my_pulihora (TM) we shall sue both of you.
	If you prepare any pulihora, it shall become the property of Suers and Sewers Inc and the EULA as a whole is applicable to the products thus seized.
	Reverse engineering this product is strictly prohibited and any attempt to do so will attract a law suit against you.
	If your grandmother knows the preparation and the patent pending formula for our product she better keep quiet. Else we will be forced to send a seize and desist letter to her.

The disclaimer:
	By having read the first two words you have already agreed to the disclaimer conditions.
	We own the product but we disown any of the problems that you might face because of them. Specifically but not limited to - biological complications such as allergies to any of the contents, food poisoning, indigestion, acidity etc;
	If you ever find the package in a contaminated form, then we are not responsible for it.
	If you lose your life due to this preparation you have our sympathies, but not our money. Sympathies btw are easy to give.
	You are not to ask for the names of the raw items that you will find in the package.

The support:
	We agree to support you only if you did not open the package.
	We agree to support this product only if it has not been opened.
	If you need to return the package to us, you must first agree to sign a 1000 paper legal document and also you must agree to this EULA.
	We agree to support you only if you did not read this EULA.
	You shall receive support only if the company agrees that you need it and it will be provided at the discretion of the company.

What do you get:
	Now that you have had the roller coaster ride of your life, let us give you the departing gift.
	This package contains - 
	1) Our patent pending process for making a my_pulihora (TM).
	2) The necessary raw items marked with numbers.
	3) Our prayers.

Thank you for choosing my_pulihora (TM).